america's most wanted (bunch of fools)


Name: Naftha Inoue
Species: Human
Age: 16 years old
Gender: Male
Height: 5'4" ft (163 cm)
Date of birth: September 30, 1983

Description: Amateur chemist, amateur machiner, and worst of all amateur pharmacist (It's just meth). Takes his hobbies seriously and despises posers. Go all in or face his autistic rage.
Best friends with Sarin.

Special abilities: brazen disregard for the unspoken rules of society


Name: Sarin
Species: Hermit (Assassin)
Age: 18 years old
Gender: Male (hermaphroditic)
Height: 5'9" ft (175 cm)
Date of birth: April 25, 1981

Description: Blessed by divine trauma. Chosen by the god of maternal death. Adopted and raised as a mercenary, Sarin would be orphaned two more times before getting adopted yet again at the age of 12 into a middle-class American family.
Despite the change of scenery his urge to kill never went away so he still gets his violent freakouts and sometimes also high-octane combat flashbacks whenever he smells blood and diesel at the same time, but he otherwise does fairly well in his new home.
Specialist in mass murder, he would later describe it on his resume as "10 years of experience in conflict resolution" when applying for a job in armed security.
Believes that hard work leads to prosperity. Nationalist.

Special abilities: Can alter the causticity of his blood to be destructive to all sorts of substances, but it's easily neutralized by water.
Eternal youth.

bird watcher

Name: Rin
Species: human
Age: 18 years old
Gender: Male (hermaphroditic)
Height: 5'7 ft (171 cm)
Date of birth: July 12

Description: Sleeps around until he feels ashamed of his bad habits and then doesn't text back

Special abilities: N/a

linkin park

Species: human
Age: 16 years old
Gender: male
Height: 6'0" ft (183 cm)

Description: No records of his existence in the legal system nor in anyone's memory. Does not remember details of his own identity due suffering a head injury from a car crash into a walgreens when he was 12 years old.

Special abilities: Amnesia, smokes weed, partakes in mortification of the flesh (with guns)


Species: Human
Age: 20s
Gender: Male

Description: After assassinating multiple megacorp CEOs with a Barrett M95 the court decided that ROOSEVELT must not only pay a fine he would not be able to finish paying off in 205 years but that he must also be forced to share his living space (a 1-room apartment) with cops. Though he tried to appeal that this is a violation of the 3rd and 4th amendments the Supreme Court ruled that it is still constitutional because the police aren't the military and these policemen aren't actually policemen but rather employees of Amazon.
Corporations are immortal for as long as their staff can be replaced which the megacorpses did and the status quo was promptly restored. As an additional measure to prevent this assassination BS from happening again they began to collaborate with every bank to create the Finances Aiding Removal of Child Exploitation initiative which would mandate microchips as a requirement to maintain a bank account. No chip no bank account no power no life.
Roosevelt in the current day contemplates seeking asylum in Russia or China.

In his free time Roosevelt sometimes JOs with other men. He prefers to JO with straight or bisexual men rather than gay men because they "don't tend to overcomplicate things" and also usually appreciate tits like he does.

Loves the platonic ideal of the United States of America (eagles, guns, military industrial complex) but hates the reality of it (digital slavery, laughing stock of the world).

Likes: Anti-materiel rifles
Dislikes: The state of things

Special abilities: Cynicism

Prime Minister Sinister

Name: Nemesis
Species: Human
Age: Somewhere in the twenties
Height: 6'0" ft (184 cm)
Date of birth: March 16, 2XXX

Description: Loves guns, is celibate, and doesn't do alcohol, drugs, or tobacco.
President of the United States of America, at some points in time. The USA in [CURRENTYEAR+70] is a weeping carbuncle hated by every country and tearing itself apart over atomized prepackaged consumer-friendly micropolitics but Nemesis wants to restore it to its former glory. To have it rule the world again.

Likes: Lightning/thunder
Dislikes: French people

Special abilities: Death -> Rewind to date of birth -> Knowledge retention


Name: Para
Species: Cyborg (human)
Age: Late 20s/early 30s
Gender: Male (neutered (self-administered))
Height: 5'11" ft (181 cm)

Description: weirdo

Special abilities: Various enhancements that surpass ordinary human capabilities, including (but not limited to) different types of vision, ability to manually store memories and browse through them, and pain reduction.